More often than not I seem to find myself sitting in the dark wondering what I’m doing with my life or with my work.

The two are so entwined, especially when you have your own business AND you work alone.

Some days that seems to be like a one way ticket to Lostville.

And it doesn’t help that I’m chaotic.

My process of creation is chaotic.

More so than most people I know.

My husband said the other day I employ, what he calls, the galaxy-being-born method of doing my work.

His point being that it looks gorgeous from afar, but so help you God if you get too close to it.

You’d die.

Because by the time you realise what you’ve gotten yourself into, stars and planets are already exploding and being put back together in new compositions around you.

Matter would be flying everywhere, antimatter not far behind.

The beautiful ballet of destruction and recreation would take place all around you, on you and in you.

You’d become just another exploding star because with life comes death.

With creation, destruction.

With dreams, disappointment.

And with trying, suffering defeat.

Now, I know what you’re gonna say; do or do not, there is no try.

And though I agree with Master Yoda, I also think there’s a whole bunch of try between do and do not.

But that doesn’t mean that I’ve failed.

So, long as I get to the end of the day, every soul in my charge fed, watered and breathing, I’ve survived to ponder in the dark another day.

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