As an author, I don’t like using my sexual identity or orientation as a marketing gimmick, and I strive not to. I’ve got this basic info about me in a few places, such as my author bio, so it’s available, but I don’t focus on it other than to explain that it affects how I write and how my characters view relationships.
But the truth is, I’m not just another hetero-normative drone floating in a sea of hetero-normative media. I never have been. From my beginnings as the only daughter of a raging feminist single mum, rose a creature of brutal honesty that has never shied away from the things that are painful.
Being non-binary, pansexual and polyamorous in this world isn’t easy, and my identity even intersects a lot of places within the LGBTQIA+ community where I’m dismissed and subjected to a lot of stereotypes because I don’t fall into the easily categorisable boxes that are ultimately rooted in heteronormativity.
Now, I’ve had a lot of people give me quizzical looks when it comes to conversations of sexual identity and conforming to genders.
So, to clarify…
To be non-binary means that your gender identity does not conform to the traditional binary categories of male or female. Non-binary individuals may identify as a combination of male and female, neither male nor female, or as a different gender entirely. Some non-binary people may also identify as genderfluid, meaning their gender identity fluctuates or shifts over time.
I don’t fit this conventional idea of what a woman is or what she looks like. As an archetype, I fall more in the swamp hag category, because performing femininity and doing what others think I should aren’t high on my values list. I was also quite a tomboy growing up and never felt comfortable with all the “girly” things. As far as gender labels, this is what I think. I know, it’s a very zen approach and not everyone likes it, but that’s my honest word.
To be pansexual means that you are attracted to individuals regardless of their gender identity or biological sex. Pansexuality is often described as being gender-blind, meaning that a person’s gender identity does not factor into their attraction.
Pansexual individuals may be attracted to people who identify as male, female, non-binary, transgender, or any other gender identity. The attraction is based on the individual as a person, rather than their gender identity or sex.
It’s important to note that pansexuality is distinct from bisexuality, which refers to attraction to individuals of two genders. Pansexuality is often considered a more inclusive term, as it recognizes and affirms the gender identities of individuals who do not conform to the binary categories of male and female.
To be polyamorous means that you have the capacity and desire to have multiple romantic and/or sexual relationships with more than one person at the same time – and most importantly: with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. It’s not the same as cheating. Polyamory is based on openness, honesty, communication, and mutual consent.
Yes, it’s possible. No, it’s not for everyone because it takes a lot of deep inner work to come to terms with yourself as an individual, and some of that shit, quite frankly, hurts. It is uncomfortable to learn to sit with the darker parts of yourself.
I know it’s not the norm, but who wants to be normal, anyway?
I’d rather be my own brand of weirdly wonderful. And I believe in the power of representation and visibility. I want to be part of creating a world where people can be their authentic selves without fear or shame.
So, while I don’t want my identity to be reduced to a marketing ploy, I also know that the more we talk about these things, the more normalised they become. And that’s a good thing.
Thanks for coming to my TedTalk, take only what resonates, and hopefully you learned something.
But most importantly, I hope it made you feel seen and heard. Because we all deserve to be seen and heard. Let’s keep working towards a world where everyone can feel safe and loved, no matter who they are.
The reason why I thought to bring this up at all was because I finally got to see the cover for an anthology that I’ve got a short story in. It’s called Queer and Cute and it’s a collection of LGBTQ+ meet cute short stories, and the one I wrote is about none other than our resident space raptor boyfriend, Zaven ā¤ļø
It’s available for a limited time only on Amazon. You can also find it on Goodreads.
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