“Today we will spend the whole day doing nothing in particular because tomorrow I will not see you. Tomorrow you will not be here and I will befriend my sorrow instead. Today we will celebrate through the tears because tomorrow I carry my grief alone. Today you will fall asleep one last time and forever dream in the night. Our journey together is at an end but I will always carry the love I have for you in my heart. I will not betray you by holding back the tears, nay, the world will bear witness to my mourning and the gods will know that I loved you fiercely. This death I bring to you with love and compassion because death is the only truth when life has become a trap. Today we say goodbye and trust that life will go on tomorrow, that the sun will rise and that the birds will sing. Thank you for letting me journey together with you.”
That was yesterday. Today I’m befriending my sorrow. It’s not just saying goodbye to him but to my own adolescence. No longer can I pretend that my childhood hasn’t really ended because even in his death he gifts me with closure, the end of an era.
Of the two who were there to see me become me, he was half. He was there through the floundering and the confused decisions and only ever reproached me for having substandard service in the kitchen. Even heavier now weighs the responsibility to live life to the fullest, with all the compassion I can muster, because he was here so that I could become me.
This is not a goodbye. This is a thank you.
